Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Welcome To The Countdown To The End Of Days (General)

This morning I wasn't going to write about this certain topic. Nope, I wanted to write something about Tim Tebow and how I feel about Tebowmania. Something else popped in my head when I came to the computer to check out everything at 8:30. I looked at the date in the bottom right of my screen. December 21st, 2011. It then popped in my head. The potential end of days is a year away.

Some information behind the whole December 21st, 2012 doomsday deal. The main thing that people who believe this say it's going to happen because the Mayans back in the 1500's or so made a calendar that ended on December 21st, 2012. This one is pretty easy to shoot down. The calendar making Mayan guys couldn't make an infinite calendar because they sort of got massacred by Spanish settlers. Sure they were pretty good at astrology and accurately predicted quite a few things, including their very own massacre but lets face it. If your race ceases to exist, you can't continue making calendars.

However, there are more prophecies of doom on this date in other religions, beliefs and thought processes. A man named Terrence McKenna came up with a mathematical formula which he called "Timewave Zero". (Funny story I got while researching this- Terrence over here came up this idea while getting high off Magic Mushrooms. That might hurt his credibility a bit, the crazy hippie.) Basically it's based on McKenna's interpretation of the King Wen sequence of the I Ching (ummm..., click on this link http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_ching to learn more about it. If you don't, long story short it is an old Chinese book dating back about 3000 years that can apparently predict future events) the graph appears to show great periods of novelty corresponding with major shifts in humanity's Biological and Sociocultural evolution. He believed that the events of any given time are recursively related to the events of other times, and chose the atomic bombing of Hiroshima as the basis for calculating his end date. (Yes, I totally stole that from Wikipedia too). So sounds okay right? Captain Mushroom finds a mathematical way to predict the end of time... Except his original date was in November. Once he found out about the Mayans end of calendar date of December 21st, he revised his formula so it coincides with that date instead. I'm not sure about everyone else but after all that work, he revised it so it matched with someone elses "work"? Sounds like a fail to me. Go back to the hallucigens Terry.

            
                                          "Hey Turtle Dude, I just got the greatest idea man!
                                          What if I created a math thingee using that book my
                                          professor is making me read? The Chinese one. Oh
                                          man, I could eat like eleventy wontons right now
                                          Turtle Dude!"

So what else do we have? Well apparently a planet called Nibiru will either collide with Earth or pass by, killing virtually everyone. How is this possible you ask? Well apparently Nibiru is actually part of our solar system and has a different orbit than every other planet. It's more eliptical and a lot longer of a distance to travel of orbit to the Sun. Oh yeah, it's also the size of Jupiter and will either collide with us (as mentioned) killing everything or pass by (also mentioned) and create such chaos like electromagnetic storms that will wipe out almost virtually everything we know. Now hold on a minute. Before you all go running to build an incoming planet shelter, don't you want to hear the origin to this story? I mean the last one had a guy on mushrooms, maybe this one will ease your mind a bit. Take a deep breath and get ready to read this great historical story. So, there was this lady named Nancy Leider who created the website ZetaTalk in 1995 to spread the word of things she's known about for most of her life. You see, When Nancy was a wee child living in Wisconsin, she was visited by gray aliens named Zetas, who put a communication device in her brain! (I'm not making this up. Came up in my research. Yes, I know I'm the guy who yesterday created an entire version of DeSean the Pumped up Kicks Reindeer featuring Dashiki Claus off the top of his head. You're going to have to trust me on this one.) She claimed that the whole Hale-Bopp comet deal back in 1997 was a mass conspiracy to hide the fact that "Planet X" (The pre-name of Nibiru, not the home of the X-Men. That's somewhere in Conneticut. Not Space.) was coming to destroy us all in 2003!!! (Disclaimer- I am typing this on December 21st, 2011 at 3:27 pm eastern time. I am not a time traveller. I did not get sent to the future to warn you about the past. That last one doesn't even make sense. Anyways, as you can probably see, we're still alive and somehow this fact disappeared from the "Watch out for the killer monster planet!" preachers.). When the date in 2003 passed and everyone was asking her "Where's this killer planet, stupid?" Leiders response was it was a white lie and if she did tell people the real date, it would cause complete anarchy. Then people decided for coincedental purposes of everything else that it was going to happen December 21st, 2012. If you just read everything I just said, I just saved you a trip to Home Depot and a lot of shelter fund money.


"AAAAHHHHH!!!, DURRR BEEE AAAAHHH
PLANET GOING TO KILL US ALL!!! AAAAHH
GRRRRR BEEEE AAAAAA DURRRRR!!!"


What else do we have? Well, there's a computer program called the Web Bot that can apparently predict events based on tracking keywords that people enter on the Internet. (Don't ask me how it works based on that, I only understood the words "Computer", "The", and "Emotion" in the paragraph in my research. If you go to University for something involving computers, go research it and break it down in normal people English for me, if you don't mind) The funny thing is this thing actually predicted things that have come true! It predicted 9/11, The Space Shuttle Columbia disaster, the 2003 blackout in the Northeastern part of North America, the 2004 Indian Ocean Earthquake, Hurricane Katrina and the aftermath of it and Dick Cheney shooting people while hunting. Want to know another prediction it made? A major planetary catastrophe happening in 2012 involving either magnetic pole reversal or an almost nuclear holocaust. Not quite the end of humanity but close. Oh raisins! This isn't some mushroom popping guy or a lady who met aliens. This is a computer! It might be time to run to Home Depot to buy supplies for your end of the world shelter. Oh wait, there's a section on this program making mistakes. That's not like computers but let's take a look. A massive Earthquate that levels Vancouver and the Pacific Northwest in 2008? Nope, Vancouver even held the winter Olympics two years later. Barack Obamas administration will be thrown into chaos ten days after he starts as President? Nope, that's a fail. Isreal has bombed Iran? I know that didn't happen, the Iron Sheik hasn't gone to Isreal to humble the Isreali army. I'd say the jury is still out on this thing but at least some things actually happened with this prediction machine. (I wonder if it predicted that everyone would start Tebowing this year?)


"I just wanted to go on Facebook and this message
popped up on my computer!"


Now there's a lot more opinions about this event. Human evolution, planetary re-alignments, solar flares, etc... So far I would say that while there may be some compelling points towards this argument, there are also a lot of things that debunk these theories.

Here's my take on this. If it happens, it happens. There is nothing we can do if the world somehow gets destroyed by a planet or the Sun blows up a bit and we get charred to death. The only thing humans can control is ourselves. So as long as we don't beat the crap out of each other with nuclear weapons, we should be good. Besides, why not go out and live your life now instead of fearing a bunch of theories? Go spend time with friends and family, do your daily tasks. If the end does come, as long as you've been good to the people you care about and tried to be a good person, that's all that matters. Besides, I really doubt the world will end anytime soon. The weather might change a bit. Fine, it's doing that this year (In Kitchener, Ontario there's normally snow this time of year, not rain and moderately warm weather).

If you have any opinions/comments/hate speeches, please post them in the comment section. Should be back to the blog grind tomorrow. Not sure what the topic will be. So unless the world ends, I'll see everyone else (metaphorically, as a statistic) later.

Victor Bast


"Iran number one! End of World,
HACK TOOEY!!!"

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